Grief & Preservation of Love Lost

19 Aug

Written By Quinn

Phase Three - Lamentation for Mrs Fly - Darla Teagarden

At first glance, this image made me think of how relationships can be a double-edged sword providing both security and a sense of suffocation. Some people, no matter how well-intentioned, simply suffocate the life out of others. They somehow rob their beloved of that vital life force needed to create, play, or express. As I looked closer at the king's face, I could see signs of devotion and desperation to hold onto someone he has strong feelings towards. But, first impressions don't always tell the whole story, and curiosity forced me to understand the more profound message hidden in this piece of work.

The main image shows Mr Goff and Mrs Fly and is phase three of a series of photographs representing the mourning of people who are gone. Tags associated with it include; chrysalis, cocoon, fairytale, and fallen leaves. Keywords in mind, the plastic wrap could be seen as a means to preserve someone or memories of someone who has now died. The expression on his face is intense, and he's looking directly at the face of Mrs Fly. His arms and hands cradle her securely, pulling her close to his body. In the background, we have the faint outline of a Christian-style cross on the wall. The cross represents faith and belief in a higher power, but Jesus is absent. I'd take that as a sign that there is no reason to sacrifice oneself nor be crucified. Is some kind of faith a necessity at a time of loss?

Phase One (click pics to enlarge) shows the loss in its raw form. Losing hope and lament are two of the tags. Mr Goff is looking upwards; is he looking to the heavens for relief as he cries out in sorrow and grief? Or is he unable to look at her lifeless face? The way he holds her as though she were a child, speaks of an intense desire for closeness. In this first image, Mrs Fly is not wrapped in plastic. Her arm hangs behind her back, a clear indication that she is no longer conscious.

Phase Two - King and the fly, gives the keywords of last words, whisper, and goodbye. Mr Goff's face is completely obscured, and the tags are necessary to help us understand what's happening behind the forefront of the picture. Part of the message of his hidden face seems to suggest those final moments are intensely private. We cannot possibly know what a person desires to say the most to loved ones after they’ve gone. The appearance of the plastic tells me the desire to preserve what remains is now strong. Oddly, I also get the underlying message that there is acceptance of the death. It is interesting to note that we only see Mr Goff looking fully at Mrs Fly in the main picture, which is the final phase of the trilogy.

Guru of Grief - The fourth image shows Mr Goff alone; Darla comments on the image saying, When you are left with the duty to remember. I find the picture compelling despite feeling sadness. The presence of plastic wrap here is a curious one. I wonder if there could be a message of awareness of one's mortality? Or maybe worrying about who might need it next? I certainly don't think its inclusion is insignificant. Maybe it’s symbolic of the memory that remains? Mr Goff is no longer on his throne but sits on the floor, and the cross is missing from view. These may be critical symbolic factors on a journey through loss; in the end, grief may leave us on the floor without hope. But then Darla now calls him the Guru of Grief. Does this new aspect of identity support the idea that Mr Goff has gained enough wisdom to be of help to others?

Lamentation for Mrs Fly is a beautiful series, and I can't help but wonder about the choice of using a fly as a symbol. Flies have a very short lifespan; does its use as a motif suggest that death and endings can happen too quickly? Interestingly, they have four stages of life, and we have four pictures, although I'm sure that's no more than a coincidence.

I was surprised to learn flies have an important symbolic function in some cultures. Christian demonology has Beelzebub as a demonic fly, yet the Navajo have Big Fly, a helpful messenger deity. Modern Western totemism has them listed as symbols of survival and transformation. I do not want to lean heavily into interpreting this series of pictures. I came across them whilst processing the separation from a significant other. Thankfully, it wasn't death which took him away. Sitting with these images and thinking about the emotional journey of loss helped me acknowledge the depth of my pain and reluctance to let go.

I have no advice on the so-called moving on and away from grief. I honestly feel that some losses are so significant that we're never able to recover even half of the self we used to be. If we're lucky, there will be others who care enough to let us know we have a reason to continue forward. The feeling that life will never be the same again is an honest, if not brutally painful experience. Ultimately, we will accept the physical loss and adjust our lives accordingly. We'll find ourselves alone with nothing but our memories, and it can often take time to be able to sit with those memories. The circumstances will often dictate how we respond to loss; was it sudden and unexpected, or was it longed for after a period of illness, age, or pain? For some, it may be easy to remember with fondness, whilst others will have to suffer through anger, guilt, and depression before indulging in nostalgia or reminiscence. If love was present, it is inevitable that grieving for what is now gone will be a painful process. We may cling to denial and hope for their return for an inordinate amount of time. Letting go of someone or the idea of someone is indeed a process, not a one-off event. The departure itself is merely the signal it's time to let go. The ending, in fact, becomes the beginning as we learn to move through life without them.

All images are the work of Darla Teagarden, and you can find her website here